Grief is one of the most deeply human experiences we will ever move through. It can show up as the loss of a loved one, pets, divorce or severed relationships, a major life transition, loss of job/income, or even the loss of a dream or losing yourself. Grief does not follow a straight path or a specific timeline. Sometimes it feels lighter and reflective, and other days it it is heavy and overwhelming. However it shows up for you, you deserve compassion, space, and gentle support.
During times of loss, caring for yourself can feel difficult, yet more important than ever. Supportive practices and tools can help create moments of grounding, comfort, and connection as we navigate the emotions that grief can bring.
We asked Ruth McEwen a wellness practitioner here at Angelic Roots, who has a background as a sound practitioner, music-thanatologist, and hospice social worker, to share her personal perspective on grief and tools and practices for those moving through this experience.
"The greatest gift I think we have to offer each other, no matter our work or life experiences, is to be present and hold space for each other. We each are all beings with our own unique physiological, biochemical, emotional, psychological, cultural, relational makeup and coming more fully into ourselves is the greatest gift we have to offer ourselves and the world."
Have “both” “and” understanding approach. Loss and grief of all kinds are BOTH upending to our lives in what we expected or hoped them to be, AND hold transformative openings and thresholds. One does not negate the other nor should either be the only way or path. Upending and transforming are to be experienced and are each processes to go through over time. Sometimes the upending and transforming are interweaving and sometimes the transforming only comes after significant attention and care for the upending has occurred. Timing is different for each individual and also different for the same individual with different losses and grief. Loss and grief are to be experienced not bypassed and it is also not to become the all of you - even though it may feel like that or be that for awhile.
Be gentle and kind to yourself allowing thoughts and emotions to be expressed in safe ways and places. Sometimes that may be in private and sometimes that may be with trusted friends, family, and/or professionals. It may take time or trial and error to know who can be there for you, who can create a safe listening and holding space for your experience of loss and grief - not trying to fix it or have you avoid it. Respect that not everyone can be or do that, and that sometimes the people you want/need/expect to be able to be or do that are not able to. Look for someone who can be that for you - you may be surprised who shows up.
Identify what helps you come home to YOU, what helps to ground you. Identify what supports you, that even in the midst of what seems insurmountable or unsurvivable, you somehow have glimpses or know you’ll find your way. Some ways may be time alone; time with that trusted friend; time in nature; time with family/faith or church/community and the sense of belonging to something bigger than you; being busy; doing nothing; music (varied music that may: help release and express emotions; calm or energize, distract or entertain); silence; prayer, meditation, mindfulness; self-care (nurturing food, bath, sleep - massage, Reiki, sound session, group or individual grief support sessions), favorite hobby, work, or volunteering.
None of these are to be forced or to be an escape or to bypass what you have experienced and are experiencing but places of respite along the journey with an increasing awareness of moments of grounding in the midst of your experiences. Over time they grow and become stronger grounding spots for longer periods and build your resilience. What helps you come home to YOU may vary over time and even vary within the same day. Find and honor what you need by listening to your deep inner knowing. Loss and grief have a wavelike quality - sometimes ripples of waves, sometimes calm, sometimes a tsunami of emotion. Learn to ride the waves rather than fight them or think they are unending. Children can teach us about the natural rhythms and that grief is not a 24/7 deal. They may be really sad for awhile and then playing as if unaware or not remembering and then later sad again, allowing the natural rhythms to play out without thinking about what or how they should be feeling or when or how long. They are just being in the rhythms of what arises and not judging if it is right or wrong.
Notice the subtle openings and invitations encouraging you to look at the changing landscape of your life. When able, look through new lenses (beyond the lenses of what was expected and hoped for) - not making major changes in early stages of loss and grief - but being open to nudges and niggles of what may be wanting to grow in the soil of your uprooted life.
Be grateful for whomever or whatever you have lost and/or are grieving. You would not be grieving if they or it had not brought something of value into your world. As the pain of that loss rises, feel and acknowledge it AND then as you are able, also express gratitude for what was brought into your life. Although you are feeling the loss of that person, pet, job, opportunity, or relationship, reflect on how what they brought to your life still lives within you, now seeking new ways to be expressed through you.
There is no predetermined timeline. Be present and hold space for you! And when you can’t (or even when you can), seek others that can do that with or for you. A wonderful space for those experiencing loss and grief, offering information, support, and resources like Whats Your Grief.
We are deeply grateful to Ruth for sharing her wisdom and compassionate perspective on grief, and for reminding us of the power of presence, gentleness, and connection during life’s most tender moments. You can explore more about Ruth and her offerings as you continue your journey.
